good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
