Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
