Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
