So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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