We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
