I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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