Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
