he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
