STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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