smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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