so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
