just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
