I wish my penis had an off switch
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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