if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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