Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
