You really coming over, don't trick.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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