I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
