I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
