New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
