Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
