i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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