Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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