He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
