fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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