So drunk its hurt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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