we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
