Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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