; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
