He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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