i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
