it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
