At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
