yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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