Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
