you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
