I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
