Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
