Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
