So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
