Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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