I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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