I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
