i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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