you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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