so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
