Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
