She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
