I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
