Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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