I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
