I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
