You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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