I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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