Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i barfeds in our rink
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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