so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
