i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
