I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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