i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
