Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
