how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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