so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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