It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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