I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
